Monday, September 17, 2007

The Little Engine That Could...Just Couldn't Do It

Pray for me Internet friends. I am in need of prayers.

A few days ago, I mentioned that um, I may have gained a pound or two, or even eight due to drinking an excessive number of 42 oz. Cokes from McD**alds, ALL.SUMMER.LONG.

And you may recall, that I said I would be returning to my old habits of healthy and nutritious eating before the VALUE OF THE YEAR came along and threw me off the caffeine-free wagon.

So, if it just took one can of pop in lieu of a mimosa to rekindle my old caffeinated habit then how come it is like coming down from a 5 day heroine bender on a dirty mattress on the floor of a crack house to once again become a caffeine free vessel?

And what a weak vessel I am.

Let's just say after 70 hours, 51 minutes and 19 seconds of NARY A DROP OF POP...I faltered in my journey.

But I am not without an excuse.

At 10:51 PM, I found myself in line at McD**alds with my 89 cents (.95 actually, with tax) in hand. It was like aliens swooped down and steered my car into the drive thru line while I just sat helplessly by staring into the light and saying nothing. Or like when you're watching Knight Rider and Kit just takes over and David Hasselhoff lets the talking car take the lead. Yes, my Suburban was Kit and I was merely the embodiment of The Hoff in the drivers seat. Minus the black leather pants, of course. (Although, with my extra eight pounds, I no longer fit into my leather pants.)

And actually, had I been in bed and sleeping at 10:51 PM, like a NORMAL HUMAN BEING who has to get up at 6 AM, I would not have been in the car when Kit needed to hit the McD**alds drive thru.

But I was not in bed sleeping, I was next door to the McD**alds with the entire back of a full length Suburban filled with at least 19 bags of groceries. Yes, at 10:51 at night. As in, almost 11 PM.

And why?

Because I had been avoiding going out all weekend in an effort to drive by any place that had golden arches in front of it and sold Coke in a 42 oz. cup with ice and a perfectly proportioned red and yellow striped straw.

Because I was fighting my habit, you see. And for the glorious 70+ hours that I did not leave my block, I was winning.

Until I realized that tomorrow's hot lunch is something my daughter will not eat. Apparently, she is not a fan of zucchini and celery sticks around lunch time. Or really, any time. And I guess the school decided that tomorrow could not be Frito Lay snack day, but had to be healthy fresh vegetable day, so they forced my hand, and off I went into the great big world with golden arches looming around every corner in a quest to keep my family fed. Obviously the school didn't care about my personal struggles. Or the fact that I had no white bread in my house.

And while I was going to the grocery store, I figured I may as well stock up on the essentials so that I would not have to leave my house for at least another 6 days or so, thereby avoiding any fights with Kit or the aliens about pulling into a drive thru and ordering me a pop against my will.

And so at 9:30, I set off.

And at 10:45 I was finished. And weary.

The store I usually shop at, The Big W, is the BIGGEST store in the whole Northern Hemisphere. And I'll go out on a limb and include the Southern Hemisphere as well. It makes a Super Walmart look like a Walgreens. Seriously. You need to wear your walking shoes and bring a portable stool to rest on in order to shop there. There is no just 'running in' because whatever you may need is probably about 1.8 miles away from where you parked your car.

And why do I shop at The Big W? Well, because they have every flavor of every brand of every product that you could possibly ever imagined existed, and then a few more. It is an indecisive shoppers worst nightmare. Oh, and it's cheaper than shopping at my first choice, The Jewel.

Sadly, with the exception of deli meats and the occasional 10 for $10 sale, I really don't get to do much shopping anymore at the Cadillac of grocery stores, The Jewel. Something about our grocery budget, or something like that. Well, except for deli meats, because really my husband is a deli meat snob and The Big W's deli section just won't cut it. So for his sliced meat needs, I am allocated funds for The Jewel.

And what this all has to do with me drinking a pop tonight....I have absolutely no idea. I remember.

I finished up at The Big W, and might I just add one more thing regarding how big this place is? I forgot to get hot dogs buns while I was in the bread section and by the time I finished up in the freezer section,...well it was apparent to me that we would just be eating our grilled Cheddarwursts without buns this week, because there was no way I was walking back 27 aisles to go and get them.

So I check out, load up the entire trunk of my car and get in to drive home. My feet are hurting, I have a headache and seeing as how it is almost 11 o'clock at night and I've been without caffeine for over 70 hours, I am tired. And a bit cranky. And I know that I need a good 3.5 hours once I get home to put the groceries away.

And in a moment of weakness, I, (or was it Kit?), pulled past those golden arches, 89 cents in hand, and gave in to the pain.

And pain never tasted so sweet. Or bubbly.

And the groceries got put away, the lunches are made, the dryer is even going, and I still have a little spring in my step.

At least until tomorrow , when I crash and burn.

And start all over again.

See why I was in need of the prayers?


Mimi's Toes said...

You are cracking me up girl. I am exhausted just reading about it.

Beth said...

You should totally blame it on Kit.

And you have my prayers.

Penless Thoughts said...

This was hilarious!! Thanks for your sweet comment on my Guest Book!

Mary@notbefore7 said...

Oh girl...I feel your pain. I gained 5 myself just on the week vacation and have sweet tea of the south to blame. I must avoid my $1 Mick*y D sweet tea! AHHHH!

New Diva on the blog said...

Glad to have found your blog, and thanks for the comment on mine the other day. Strange that we are VERY close to each other and yet somehow connected on web. It's a samll world afterall.
Anyhoo, good luck on the pop thing, my neighbor is trying to kick the same habit, only of the diet variety. I will pray for you both.