Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Was it a bad day? Or was I just crabby?

Dear Cable Company,

When your OnDemand service is not working, it is very hard to explain to a three year old that we cannot watch Dora right now, this very second. In case you don't deal with a lot of three year olds in your business, they are not the most understanding group of people. Please fix, thank you.


Dear Jewel Food Store in Huntley,

When I am running in for a few quick items, the last place I would look for the blocks of Velveeta cheese would be in the cracker and cookie aisle sandwiched between the frosted animal crackers and the Nature's Valley organic raspberry tart bars. Could you maybe put the Velveeta someplace where someone could actually find it? Like maybe by the other cheese? Or even the prepared foods aisle? Even the dip section by all the chips would've made more sense to me than looking for cheese in the cookie aisle.


Dear Fiona's Tutor,

If I am paying you thirty dollars per hour every week, I would really feel better about it if the girl would not bring home a big fat F on her spelling test. I could save the thirty bucks and tutor her myself if I wanted her to bring home an F.


Dear Old Man in the Parking Lot,

If you are waiting in the car to pick up your blue-haired wife while she runs into the grocery store, she's probably going to be awhile because the Velveeta is very hard to find. So, I would really appreciate it if you could not parallel park, while waiting for her, across the closest 4 spots to the door. Someone might actually want to park in those. Try waiting in the fire lane next time. Just a thought, thanks.


Dear Ikea,

When I buy a clip on light for my son's headboard so he can read in bed, it would be so much easier if it took a standard size light bulb. Like maybe one that I could find among the 3,527 choices of light bulbs at my local Home Depot. Why is it that every light fixture you make seems to only take weird sized bulbs that require me to make a trip to Ikea? It's just a tiny bit inconvenient.


Dear Laundry,

If you could get yourself done, that'd be great.


Dear Hospital Pre-Registration Lady,

If you could not say cancer as many times as possible over the course of a six minute phone call, that would really help. Just a thought.


Dear Neighbor Across the Street,

If you are going to go to the bus stop every morning and make others look at you, could you please change out of your pajamas? The thought of looking at you in those flannel cat pants every morning, all winter long, has me seriously considering driving my kids to school. I'm just sayin'.


Dear Neighbors Behind Me,

If you are going to walk around your downstairs naked, could you please close your sliding door curtain? Personally I think being naked in the kitchen is gross, but to each his own.


Dear TV Show Writers,

Please end this strike quickly. I hate reruns.



Could you please get my one click ordering button working? I am a busy woman. It's not like I have time to sit around all day shopping for books and music.


Dear Local Toys R Us,

You are out of stock of the Rose Petal Cottage. If you are going to run commercials advertising something, could you at least make sure you still have it in stock the week before Thanksgiving? Because I really feel like if I am Christmas shopping for a Rose Petal Cottage before Thanksgiving, I am well within the allotted shopping time frame of when you should still have things I need in stock. If it's after Thanksgiving, then hey, that's on me. But the week before? Me thinks that Geoffrey better come up with some more cottages pretty quick.


Dear Family-in-Law,

I don't mind hosting all the big get togethers at my house year after year. After year. But could you please stop using the excuse that I have the biggest house? Or that I am the only one with a double oven? My house is just an average sized, stuck in the middle of vinyl sided suburbia, house. And, for the record, I have a double oven because upon purchasing this house I had the foresight to know that dino nuggets and potato smiley faces need to be cooked at different temperatures, but it is convenient to have them ready at the same time.


Dear Me,

You really should wash your hair everyday, it looks much better when you do. Just an FYI.



The Bissots said...

Everytime I'm annoyed with someone I say I'm going to write a letter. Looks like you did it!! Nicely put.

Jennifer (Jen on the Edge) said...

So you must be having a very interesting week so far...

Darcy said...

Cute post! Funny about the Velveeta. I had the same thing happen last week. I looked in all of the logical spots that I thought it might be in but had to end up asking a grocery store employee to go show me where to find it. Ironically it was in an endcap of the store by organic food. Um...ok then!

Yeah, naked in the kitchen is a little weird. :)

chrissy said...

EEW! What's with the naked neighbors!! I was Lol!!!

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

Okay, this was all very funny. Laughed and laughed. Until I read the big C word. Tell me you don't have it.

But if you do, I know you'll kick its big, ugly ass. You're tough like that.

Kelly @ Love Well said...

Dear Lisa:

Go straight to your children's collection of Halloween candy. Find two of your favorite pieces. Note: They must contain chocolate.


Repeat as necessary.

Warning: Be sure to hide the wrappers deep in the trash can.


ValleyGirl said...

Haha, what a great post! I have days like that too, but I'm never in a good enough mood to point these kinds of things out in a joking manner!! Your Velveeta letter made me laugh -- it reminded me of the Kranks' trip to the grocery store in the book "Skipping Christmas" by John Grisham. And I second Kelly's comment: time for a little indulgence after a rough day!

Cindy said...

I LOVE this post.
But I HATE the hospital pre-registration part.

Hope all is ok.

Mary@notbefore7 said...

Ok, I am laughing so hard. Naked neighbors? WHAT???

So with ya on the missing toys - what is the deal???

Not laughing so hard on the hospital preregistraion are things?

Kellan said...

These were ALL so funny!! You have a true talent at finding those funny things to write about and such a great writing style!! I truly enjoyed reading each one of these letters and began to have too many favorite lines to quote any in particular - well done! I'm Kellan - thanks for coming by my site - hope to see more of you soon. See ya.

SnapHappyInkyMomma said...

Definitely sounds like you were having a rough day!

PLO said...

You are so funny. I could have written the same letter about the just rolled out of bed,pj wearing, screaming child bearing, slob at the bus stop. I really appreciate her dirty looks as well, as though I am the one undressed and dragging a spoiled screaming child still eating her breakfast. My letter to Jewel would read: Dear Jewel, I only have $30 this week to feed my children, can you please not bombard me with the newspaper, scouts, churches, etc. begging me for money. thank you

chickadee said...

those are hilarious.

thanks for going over to my homeschool interview. i appreciate your comment!

chrissy said...

Ready to talk yet and let us know what is going on? Even still, still praying and believing for the best for you whatever you are fighting!

new diva on the blog said...

Fantastic post had me laughing a lot. Very clever and I think what all of us would like to do on a regular basis-write letter to those who p@#$ us off.

I did not like the cancer letter,however, 'cause now I am worried about you.

Sincerely hope you are o.k.

Family Adventure said...

'kay, Lisa: So with you on the Ikea thing. Why is that?!??!?! Drives me crazy. But I am wondering 'bout the registration lady, thingy. You know the one.


missbecky75 said...

All that in one day? Bless your heart. Sounds like my recent bad luck has jumped to you... sorry! :)

Of course you've got me wondering with the cancer letter. I hope all is well.