Was it a bad day? Or was I just crabby?

Dear Cable Company,

When your OnDemand service is not working, it is very hard to explain to a three year old that we cannot watch Dora right now, this very second. In case you don't deal with a lot of three year olds in your business, they are not the most understanding group of people. Please fix, thank you.

Me


Dear Jewel Food Store in Huntley,

When I am running in for a few quick items, the last place I would look for the blocks of Velveeta cheese would be in the cracker and cookie aisle sandwiched between the frosted animal crackers and the Nature's Valley organic raspberry tart bars. Could you maybe put the Velveeta someplace where someone could actually find it? Like maybe by the other cheese? Or even the prepared foods aisle? Even the dip section by all the chips would've made more sense to me than looking for cheese in the cookie aisle.

Me


Dear Fiona's Tutor,

If I am paying you thirty dollars per hour every week, I would really feel better about it if the girl would not bring home a big fat F on her spelling test. I could save the thirty bucks and tutor her myself if I wanted her to bring home an F.

Me


Dear Old Man in the Parking Lot,

If you are waiting in the car to pick up your blue-haired wife while she runs into the grocery store, she's probably going to be awhile because the Velveeta is very hard to find. So, I would really appreciate it if you could not parallel park, while waiting for her, across the closest 4 spots to the door. Someone might actually want to park in those. Try waiting in the fire lane next time. Just a thought, thanks.

Me


Dear Ikea,

When I buy a clip on light for my son's headboard so he can read in bed, it would be so much easier if it took a standard size light bulb. Like maybe one that I could find among the 3,527 choices of light bulbs at my local Home Depot. Why is it that every light fixture you make seems to only take weird sized bulbs that require me to make a trip to Ikea? It's just a tiny bit inconvenient.

Me


Dear Laundry,

If you could get yourself done, that'd be great.

Me


Dear Hospital Pre-Registration Lady,

If you could not say cancer as many times as possible over the course of a six minute phone call, that would really help. Just a thought.

Me


Dear Neighbor Across the Street,

If you are going to go to the bus stop every morning and make others look at you, could you please change out of your pajamas? The thought of looking at you in those flannel cat pants every morning, all winter long, has me seriously considering driving my kids to school. I'm just sayin'.

Me


Dear Neighbors Behind Me,

If you are going to walk around your downstairs naked, could you please close your sliding door curtain? Personally I think being naked in the kitchen is gross, but to each his own.

Me


Dear TV Show Writers,

Please end this strike quickly. I hate reruns.

Me


Dear Amazon.com,

Could you please get my one click ordering button working? I am a busy woman. It's not like I have time to sit around all day shopping for books and music.

Me


Dear Local Toys R Us,

You are out of stock of the Rose Petal Cottage. If you are going to run commercials advertising something, could you at least make sure you still have it in stock the week before Thanksgiving? Because I really feel like if I am Christmas shopping for a Rose Petal Cottage before Thanksgiving, I am well within the allotted shopping time frame of when you should still have things I need in stock. If it's after Thanksgiving, then hey, that's on me. But the week before? Me thinks that Geoffrey better come up with some more cottages pretty quick.

Me


Dear Family-in-Law,

I don't mind hosting all the big get togethers at my house year after year. After year. But could you please stop using the excuse that I have the biggest house? Or that I am the only one with a double oven? My house is just an average sized, stuck in the middle of vinyl sided suburbia, house. And, for the record, I have a double oven because upon purchasing this house I had the foresight to know that dino nuggets and potato smiley faces need to be cooked at different temperatures, but it is convenient to have them ready at the same time.

Me


Dear Me,

You really should wash your hair everyday, it looks much better when you do. Just an FYI.

Mirror