Friday, November 30, 2007

Do you think anybody has even bothered to tell the reindeer that they are out of a job?

I ventured out to Walmart yesterday. It was delightful.

And when I say delightful, I mean that in the most sarcastic sense of the word. Just in case you took it to mean that my little shopping excursion was indeed, delightful. It was not. Now normally, Walmart doesn't bother me all that much. I get in, I get out. It's not my first choice, but its cheap. And I am a fan of cheap. Because my husband just paid two hundred dollars over retail for a Wii.

It was very crowded at my local Wally World. I don't know if it was senior discount day or half-price Thursday, or what. I just know that elderly discount shoppers were well represented today at the old Walmart. Delightful.

I have nothing against the elderly trying to pinch a penny. If I was able to get a senior discount, I would most certainly go for it. 15 percent is nothing to snicker at. Especially if you are purchasing 64 bags of white socks to give as gifts to every member of your family. I personally do not wear white athletic socks, but five members of my family do, and they tell me they are delightful.

Despite the large crowds doing their Holiday shopping in the sock aisles at my Walmart today I actually found a great buy.

This cute, yet totally unpractical, piece of outerwear was rolled back to just 9.98. How can I not buy something that is not even ten dollars? I can not. I mean 9.98? HOLLA!
So I winked back at that little yellow rollback smiley on the sign and grabbed one for myself.
And I even remembered to pick up the Tide that I was there for in the first place.

I noticed there seemed to be a bit of a back up in the check out vicinity, which I believe was probably due to the fact that older Walmart shoppers seem to STILL WRITE CHECKS. Very slowly. And they insist on filling out those pesky checkbook registers right there in line. Whatever.

So, I thought I 'd be all sneaky and smart and head on down and pay in the garden center. Which is now kind of looking less like a garden center and more like the North Pole.
But there was a line there too. Which gave me plenty of time to take in all the eye candy that is Christmas in the garden center at Walmart.

And it was cute, festive even. There was music playing, the blow up snow globes had their fake snow a blowin' and the pointsettas were in full bloom. I may have even heard myself humming along to a Christmas carol.
And then I saw this. And I stopped humming. Because my mouth was hanging open at all the tackiness that was before me.

It seems that some holiday inflatable designer person couldn't just leave well enough alone and let the reindeer pull the sleigh. Like good ol' Rudolph has been doing since the BEGINNING OF TIME.
Somebody must've thought that these two guys were not getting their fair share of the Christmas time glory. Seeing as how it is winter and all. And they are tropical birds. And they are pink.

So they went ahead and came up with this.
Look! The pink flamingos! They are blow ups too! The pink flamingos are pulling the sleigh!


But you know what I found that was even more delightful?

I found that if you collect and display something like this

you can actually buy this to put right in between your white church and your little country store.

Because every small village, with snow dusted trees, twirling ice skaters, one room schools and flickering lights in the windows should have its very own Wal*Mart Supercenter.

Complete with its very own delightful little greeter in front.


Anonymous said...

It looks like that porcelain greeter has 2 in-tact arms.

So that's not a very accurate depiction of the Walmart greeter around these parts.

Because Zuddy tells me the greeter at OUR Walmart has FINS. And he offers small children a lollipop as they enter the store. But they need to extract it from his fin first.

God is going to strike me down. I can't believe I just wrote that and that I'm going to actually publish this comment. But call it the snark in me. It's gotta be done.

Becky @ Boys Rule My Life said...


So, here's what I want to know... how many of those blow-up things to you have in your front yard? Around these parts... there are a-plenty! :)

poor Rudolph...

ValleyGirl said...

Ah, your sarcasm warms my heart, Lisa.!! Sounds like quite the adventure. I can't believe they make a cozy, cutsie Wal*Mart for people's Christmas villages. Isn't that almost blasphemous?!

Kelly @ Love Well said...

So you get the village Wal-Mart for your Christmas display. The little country store promptly goes out of business, because who can compete with $9.98 vests and inflatable pink flamingos pulling Santa? A liquor store moves in where the country stores was, even though the town already has three. It flourishes, to the great consternation of the country church on the other side of Wal-Mart. Some church members start to picket the liquor store, others start to snipe at their neighbors for being so judgmental.

And thus the town is ruined. RUINED I tell you.


P.S. I have never had a Wal-Mart trip that wasn't "delightful." The sarcasm is so appropriate.

Mom of 2 little princesses said...

OH my! I enjoy Wal-mart most weekdays - I'll have to avoid senior thursday! :) And ousting the reindeer is downright shameful.

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

Nothing like taking the soul of Christmas and selling it at Walmart. I don't know what's worse - the tacky commercialism or the humor I find in it. BAD!

Stacie said...

omg, you are HILARIOUS.

Love the vest, dispise the Santa blow up. Seriously, anything that is called a "blow up" shouldn't be in the Christmas decorations. We keep our "blow up" hidden in the closet. ;)

Family Adventure said...

I appreciate you taking the time to dig up all those images (Google?), so that we really feel like we were there with you. In Walmart-land.

Excuse me while I rush out to get me some pink flamingoes.


Laura Leigh Dobson said...

just found you blog. . . very entertaining, witty and wise. . i'll be coming back often!

Darcy said...

That Walmart Supercenter village store cracks me up with it's topiaries and friendly, inviting exterior. Please don't tell me the greeter has a smile on his face too?! Because ours never do! Hillarious!

Jul said...

Oh, Man!! Lis- that could show up on the front lawn next door to me you know!

Holly said...

I wish a WalMart actually looked like a quaint shop instead of a blue warehouse rectangle with terrible parking and poor aisle navigation due to the crates of white athletic socks.

Even though I do like flamingos(yes, I admit it, and I do NOT have any in my yard), I draw a big line on inflatable-sleigh pulling ones. I think inflatable yard decor is, well, not so *delightful*.

However, your post was! :)

chickadee said...

i am really getting fed up with all you bloggers poking fun at us "old check writers." i rarely write checks (but i will if i want to). i mostly use cash. small bills and lots of pennies. i count slowly. i was bad in math.

Jennifer (Jen on the Edge) said...

I'm dying, just dying here. You've summed it up very nicely.

And now I'm off to research that sleigh pulled by flamingos.

And I'm not joking.

Mary@notbefore7 said...

AHHHH! Scary...truly scary. I saw someone wearing an oh so cute white zip up vest like that and I made a mental note to find! GO GIRL! Thanks.

FernandoDownUnder said...

I have to admit that I have been without Wal-mart for just over a year now and I actually MISS it.

How many kinds of wrong is that?