Did somebody say tomorrow is Thanksgiving?

God is Good!

My mass, my dark spot, is, for now, being classified as non-cancerous. The radiologist, oncologist, and my own doctor have conferred and gone over the many tests and feel that the darkness on the right lung is damaged lung tissue from a previous bout of pneumonia. The lung is a tricky thing, my doctor told me. It's not the best place to go in and just start cutting cancer out. Other parts of the body, sure they can lop off a leg if they need to. But the lungs? Much needed. And once you start messing with them surgically, removing parts of a lung...well, from what I've recently been educated on...scary stuff.

And thank the Lord, it is not stuff I need to worry about right now. And hopefully, not ever.

Thank you Lord, with every ounce that I am, I thank you.

I will be re-scanned every three months for the next year to make sure that there continues to be no growth of the darkness on my lung. That the tissue they've looked at and tested is still normal, albeit damaged, lung tissue.

And the even better news?

My lymph nodes came back clean! The tests! The sticks! The big needles! The worry! The heartache! It is gone. The lymph nodes, my lymph nodes are clean! Those carry-the-cancer-to-all-parts-of-the-body-lymph-nodes ARE CLEAN! Given that they are in such close proximity to the dark spot on the lung in question...this is just amazing news. All the more reason to believe that the lung is damaged and thickened from the pneumonia, not cancer.

To say I feel I've dodged a major bullet is an understatement. In fact, I feel bad as I write this that I am not able to properly convey my gratitude, my joy.

BECAUSE I COULD LIGHT OFF SOME FIREWORKS RIGHT ABOUT NOW!

If I drank, I might go out and get sh*t-faced. And if I was a smoker, I'd buy the biggest cigar I could find. If I was a gambler, I'd go out and let it all ride on red.

But I'm not any of those things. I'm just happy. Over the moon, hug my kids tighter, wake up with the sunrise, HAPPY!

I have been given three months in which I can say my lung is NON-CANCEROUS! Three months where I don't need to worry about leaving my children motherless. Three months where I don't need to worry about teaching K how to be a good mother to three girls during those awful teenage years that are ahead. And I just know that it will continue to be so, for many scans after that. A whole lifetime worth of scans. MY lifetime. Where I get to be the mother.

On the flip side, if the darkness on the lung becomes larger, if it does in fact, grow...I could be screwed.

But for now...I am thankful for the answers I finally have. Thankful that this week, of all weeks, I have something to be thankful for.

And you, dear internets, I am thankful for you. I cried when I saw how many people were praying for me as I went to face my news today. The emails, the well wishes, the good thoughts, and prayers. There are not words that say Thank You as much as I want to say it. Thank you.

And thank you to my K. Who walked this with me, every step of the way. He was the only person that knew, and his optimism and support were unwavering. You're stuck with me, dude.

And the list? The list is in the trash. Because does it really matter?